It's not funny...

Hello Aunt Louise,

How are you doing? I'm stressed out with school and work. I've entered into a whole new level of credentialing where I'm working fulltime as a new educator and then have to take grad classes and I'm also going through BTSA (where you meet and are observed by a mentor regularly who also encourages you to do extra things). Yesterday I saw my mentor and after the observation we had our meeting during my lunch. When she said, "So, what should our next steps be?" I wanted to say, Nothing, I'm just trying not to fall apart. It has been hellish and it has been effecting my sleep (you know it's bad when a Rice can't sleep!) which in turn just compounds my stress level. So, yesterday I was so frazzled all day and came home and was rotten. I just wanted to eat, and sleep - I needed a break. But it's hard because I'm behind on my homework and feel like I should be at least reading. Today I got to school just to burst into tears at my desk just as I was supposed to see my first student. When I got to that class and discovered that the target student was absent, the teacher looked at my face and asked how I was doing. I was thinking about lying and saying I had allergies, but, since I'm a teacher, I have a hard time with deception. I told her I was having a hard morning and, of course, my bottom lip started to shake, my face grew hot and I started to cry. I don't like to cry, especially in front of children. I told her I has stressed out and she asked if I had been exercising, which I said I was. She offered to take a walk with me during her lunch, and I said that sounded good, but I was just trying to quickly get back to Room 4, my office. I was trying to cover the lower half of my face to shield any unsuspecting passerby's from my obvious distress. At that moment one of my para educators was on his way to his class and asked if I was okay. I nodded and quickened my step.
Even looking back on this morning and yesterday - it's not funny to me. I don't mind being stressed, but now I cannot separate it from my work. And I need to be on the ball, calm and collected at work. Not a mess. So, in short, you can pray for me. I need it because this is just the beginning.