Returning to Work: What are you going to do with the Baby?

I have one week left in my summer break, as a special educator. I am trying to be nonchalant as I write this post. all the while listening to a training on Autism.  Next year I will be joining a new crew at a charter school and a large part of me is looking forward to the new challenge. Depending on the part of the day or mood, an even larger part of me wants to “lean in” to just being a parent to my 15 month old.

Join me and "like" my Facebook page: Postmodern Mummy! This is how big Conrad was when I went back to work.

Since I’ve returned to work as a parent, which was last summer, I noticed that I don’t have much patience as I had before. Work needs to stay at work. Teachers (most of us are female, mind you) are the first to judge each other if someone’s “not pulling their weight.” On one hand I try my best and on the other, I’m NOT going to apologize for being a mom. If you feel the need to stay until 7pm most nights, God bless you, but I have priorities you may not have (right now, at least).

Having “mixed emotions” is a very appropriate sentiment for my life right now. My feelings about work change a lot. I love to teach and especially the special needs population. In my line of work there’s a lot of positive and I feel like I do a good job. Considering I have to work; I often hate work for that reason. Or it’s more that I hate being separated from my baby. What does not help is some comments I get, often from other generations of women. For example, when I told people I was going back to work (like it’s what I wanted to do in the first place), they asked, “but what are you going to do with your baby?” What do you think? Keep him in a closet? Of course I’ll try to find the BEST childcare situation I can for my precious baby. Of course. For my little family, we moved back to the States so my mom could be the nanny.  These women usually then add that they got to stay at home with their babies in some way: short-term (longer than the USA’s pitiful 3 month maternity leave) or permanently. I’m happy they had that choice. Good for them. I was raised by a Stay-at-home-mom who was raised by a Stay-at-home-mom. No wonder I would like to follow suit. For Heaven’s sake, I work with kids for a living. I’m READY to be a parent, preferably, full-time.

In casual conversations I noticed that women in my mom’s generation got to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) if that is what they wanted. The pre-menopausal generation “opted-out” for a few years or 20. Lucky them. When I talk to my peers, who have often been teaching for a while and might want to take off, can’t. There are stories of us working through difficult pregnancies and going back to work, even if it might not be in our children’s best interests. Going part-time is not a good option, either, because you don’t usually get benefits or are able to meet your family’s financial needs.  A lot of us are looking for more flexible work situations or even starting our own businesses.

Going back to work, I thought I was going crazy. Meltdown City, man. At that time being a new mom with a 3 month old was new and terrifying and now I had to figure out working full-time with a baby. I was so angry at the world. Society expects too much from moms. This is cray-cray. Pumping was a large part of my anxiety. It still is and Baby is 15 months old (if you’re not down with bf-ing, don’t talk to me about it). Just at this training, I basically pumped in a corner, hoping no one would come along. It was my fault because giving the organization a day’s notice that I needed a secure place to pump was not enough. My fault, my ass. Today I found an unlocked classroom and thank God.  Oh my gosh, I cannot tell you how many ignorant people, often women, have told me “there is a bathroom,” when I tell them I’ll be taking breaks to pump. What?! Do you make your dinner in your bathroom, let alone food for a baby? No. It is also illegal to suggest this situation. In California, there’s a Lactation Accommodation Law, where a mom must have access to a room with a lock that is NOT a bathroom. Sheesh!

I have to be efficient at work and that is not a bad thing. Organizing my work tasks by priority is a must and I get what needs to get done, done. This is where my level of patience gets in the way, too. I have no patience for office politics nor petty drama. How about let’s all assume everyone on this campus is doing their absolute best and if not, it is not necessarily my business anyways. Shit. Lately, when life has thrown me lemons, I swear at those lemons. When life gets hard, I curse more frequently. I know. It’s not lady-like and definitely not what Jesus would do. After that I then try to make f-ing lemonade. I have yet to see what kind of lemonade is going to be made with this area of my life.  I’m still in cursing mode, but I know this has to all work out. I still think something’s got to give for moms.